Jennifer Love Hewitt

so for what ever reason I feel the need to comment on the recent tabloid attention paid to Jennifer Love Hewitt’s apparent chunkiness. I guess since I did name my blog after a song written in her honour, I do have some kind of a tie to her. Also, she seems relatively awesome: the type of girl I could see splitting an appy platter with while our dates watch college football. Anyways, I would link it if I know how, but I do not. But I will simply take it as prolegomena that everyone has seen the cover of the latest People’s issue or has at least heard that Jen has been taking some flack over some beach pictures that recently surfaced. I guess in these pics she looked not quite as skinny as she should and blogosphere is having a great day making fun of her over them: calling her Jennifer Loves Hotdogs or something equally clever. But the truth is – isn’t it always – that she does not look fat. Rather, she looks like a normal Western society girl, one who would lose in a game of teeter totter to 98% of the population (myself included). So, of course I could take this post and turn it into a massive rant about how skewed our sense of body image is, but I will not, because I know that topic is sure to come up some time soon. Instead I think that I too will join in on the Jenny ridiculing.

Now of course I’m not going to make fun of her for being ‘fat’ (since she’s not), rather for her poor choice in swimwear. Honestly, she looks like the little before picture that Marie Claire would use for its top heavy section of its “how to find a swimsuit for your body type” issue. All that is missing is that little black rectangle over her eyes to hide her identity. Surely every girl with a chest knows that you can’t wear a strapless suit that is completely unsupportive. I even know this and I am a wishful B cup. The only type of girl who should be wearing that style of bathing suit is one who is still in the eigth grade, and who is a relatively slow developer on top of that. Seriously, if I was in fact an appy sharing friend of miss J.Lo Hew, I would take one look at her in that suit and give her a disapproving “JEEEENNNNNN” and wave my finger in a ‘you know better than this” manner in front of her chest. Then I would quickly rush her off to the nearest Swimco and help her pick out a nice supportive halter style top while she would help convince me once and for all that I can’t wear yellow without looking like a plague victim. Then we would probably go to the nearest bar for vodka slimes while we feign playing pool, but really just using it as an opportunity to seductivly stick out our asses in a room full of men. but anyways. She shouldn’t wear such an unflattering suit. But she is not fat. ok.